Holiday Stress: Old Wounds and New Challenges

The holidays often come with mixed emotions. For some, it’s a time of joy, connection, and celebration. For others—or let’s face it, for most people—it’s also a time of stress, heightened emotions, and occasional emotional landmines. Beyond the surface-level pressures of too-busy schedules, financial sinkholes, and family dynamics, the holidays have a unique way of stirring up old wounds and resurfacing emotions we thought we’d left behind. This can leave us wondering why this supposedly joyful season feels so much harder than we expect.

If the thought of the holidays fills you with excitement and dread in equal measure, you’re not alone. The traditions, gatherings, and expectations of this time of year have a way of amplifying stress and touching on sensitive areas we might not always be prepared to confront.

Holiday Stress and Emotional Triggers

The holidays are ripe with opportunities for stress, whether it’s the pressure to make everything perfect, balancing a never-ending to-do list, or coping with complicated family dynamics. But beneath these immediate stressors often lies something far deeper. The emotional intensity of the holidays can uncover feelings we haven’t dealt with, or might highlight areas of our lives that feel unresolved.

Family gatherings, for example, are a cornerstone of holiday celebrations. Hallmark commercials might not be as prolific, but there are plenty of heart-warming and tear-jerking ads that call to us this time of year. But in reality, family gatherings can bring up old conflicts, boundary issues, or feelings of inadequacy. Even in loving families, spending so much time together can be overwhelming, triggering anxiety, guilt, or frustration.

If you grew up feeling unseen, over-burdened, or criticized, these dynamics will almost certainly resurface during these intense family interactions. It should also be said that the crazy amount of financial pressures also play a role in bringing up painful emotions, especially when you feel the weight of trying to meet expectations for gifts, decorations, or travel. This can stir up feelings of shame, resentment, or inadequacy, particularly if you’ve experienced financial hardship in the past.

For some, the holidays amplify loneliness or grief. The emphasis on togetherness can feel like a spotlight on what—or who—is missing from your life. Whether you’ve lost a loved one or feel disconnected from others, the season’s focus on connection can feel like salt in the wound. If you’ve had a loss like this, I hope you give yourself permission to have these feelings and to miss your loved ones.

And finally, there’s the comparison trap. Social media and cultural ideals of a “perfect” holiday can make it seem like everyone else is effortlessly creating joy, leaving you questioning why your own experience feels so messy. We see people laughing at ugly sweater parties, we watch Bridget Jones find true love, and we see posts of beautiful families in matching pajamas. But what if we don’t fit in with this picture-perfect scene?

If the family dog has peed on a present, if your kids aren’t acting like the little angels you expected, if time with your in-laws creates a pit in your stomach, or if that bottle of wine looks a little too tempting- never fear, you aren’t alone. And you aren’t helpless either.

  Coping with Holiday Stress in a Healthy Way

The good news is, you don’t have to merely survive the holidays. With purpose and self-compassion, you can make this season what YOU need it to be. The first step is identifying your triggers. What aspects of the holidays feel hardest for you? Is it the financial pressure, the family dynamics, or the absence of someone you love? Taking time to reflect on what stirs up stress or discomfort can help you prepare for those moments. A good plan is a major part of the holiday season, and I don’t mean the planning the meal.

Creating personal goals and meanings is important as well. This doesn’t have to mean deep thought (although it might), just some quick goals and acknowledging what you really need out of this year. You might crave tradition, connection, laughter, or peace and quiet. It’s okay if what you need doesn’t fit the cookie-cutter mold. Sometimes, it’s okay to have a goal to just let the holiday pass by, resting in the realization that we don’t HAVE to do anything we don’t want to do.

Obviously, this brings me to boundaries. Boundaries are also essential! If family dynamics are a source of stress, setting clear and healthy boundaries can protect your well-being. This might mean limiting how much time you spend at gatherings, saying no to certain requests, or preparing responses to comments you anticipate hearing. Remember, boundaries aren’t about shutting people out—they’re about ensuring your needs are respected.

Boundaries with society might be equally important. It’s okay to say no to certain traditions if they truly aren’t something you yourself care about. I love a good office party, but if it isn’t your cup of tea- skip it! If you would rather have a lavish brunch than a ham- do it! If you’ve experienced a major loss this year, hop on a cruise and give yourself permission to avoid the holidays altogether. This is your life, and you have an obligation to yourself that outweighs your obligation to society.

Permission to Feel

One of the most important things you can do during the holidays is allow yourself to feel. It’s tempting to push through and suppress difficult emotions, but avoiding them only makes them more intense. Whether you’re feeling sadness, anger, or disappointment, give yourself permission to sit with those feelings without judgment. This might involve journaling, meditating, or simply taking a quiet moment to check in with yourself.

If grief or loss is a part of your holiday experience, finding ways to honor what’s missing can be healing. Lighting a candle, sharing a memory, or creating a new tradition can provide a sense of connection to what you’ve lost. Pull out old pictures or make a photo album online of the person you miss, and share these memories with the people around you. Acknowledging your emotions doesn’t make the season harder—it makes it more authentic and allows for deeper healing.

The holidays, with all their complexities, can also be an opportunity for growth and recovery. By approaching the season with self-awareness, compassion, and a willingness to honor your emotions, you can find your strength again and feel emotionally restored. Remember, the holidays don’t have to be perfect to be meaningful. Whether you’re addressing old wounds, setting new boundaries, or simply getting through the season one day at a time, you’re showing up for yourself—and that’s something worth celebrating.