I’m the Adult?!?

Imposter Syndrome and the Art of Actually Thinking About What We’re Doing

Imposter syndrome gets talked about everywhere (workshops, podcasts, Instagram reels). The idea is that we feel like frauds even when we’re competent, successful, or respected. We wonder, who am I to be doing this? or when are they going to figure out I don’t really know what I’m talking about? But let me offer you a different angle: what if imposter syndrome is less about “not being good enough” and more about not pausing to think clearly about why we’re doing what we’re doing?

That might sound overly simple. But stay with me. Think about the most ordinary things in life: brushing your teeth, paying your bills, waiting in yet another specialist’s office, or finally sitting down for that hard conversation you’ve been putting off. None of these require perfection or mastery. They just require you to be the adult who says, “Yes, I see why this is recommended, and I agree it’s worth doing. I don’t know every single thing there is to know, but I know enough.” Imposter syndrome isn’t a character flaw, a secret incompetence, or a sign you don’t belong. It’s often a failure to connect the dots between an action and the reasons you chose to take it. To start being the adult in the situation.

The Everyday Nature of Doubt

When people describe imposter syndrome, they often do it in dramatic contexts: giving a TED Talk, running a company, being promoted to a leadership position. But the truth is that this kind of self-doubt shows up in all the little things too. You can feel like an imposter brushing your kid’s hair before school (“Am I really teaching them good hygiene? Should I be using a special shampoo? Do other moms know something I don’t?”). You can feel like an imposter paying the electricity bill (“Am I budgeting right? Should I have gotten a better deal? Does everyone else understand this adulting thing better than I do?”).

And when you walk into a specialist’s waiting room (one of those beige spaces with magazines from five years ago) you might feel small, uncertain, and at the mercy of someone else’s expertise. “What do I even say? Am I wasting their time? Should I have figured this out myself by now?” That anxious hum, that second-guessing, that’s imposter syndrome. And notice: it creeps in before you’ve taken time to think.

Deeper Thinking

Here’s the radical suggestion: stop and think about why you’re doing the thing in the first place.

• Brushing your teeth: You’re preventing cavities, freshening breath, avoiding painful dental bills. You don’t have to be a dentist to say, “Yep, this is worth two minutes of my time.”

• Paying your bills: You’re keeping the lights on, keeping the internet running, preserving your credit score. You don’t have to be a financial guru to say, “Yep, this makes sense to me.”

• Sitting in the waiting room: You’re seeking expert help for something you can’t solve alone. You don’t have to already know the diagnosis to say, “Yep, this is a reasonable step in my opinion.”

• Having the hard conversation: You’re protecting a relationship, setting boundaries, or trying to be honest. You don’t have to know exactly how the other person will respond to say, “Yep, this matters to me enough to risk discomfort.”

When you slow down and connect the dots, the “fraud” feeling loses its grip. You’re not winging it. You’re not faking it. You’re doing something that, when you really think about it, makes sense to you. I can’t overstate this part enough. You have to be the one with the most important opinion here. Lots of people recommend things to us all the time…but what do you think about that recommendation?

Confidence as an Informed Guess

We’re used to thinking of confidence as certainty. Knowing all the answers, having a polished plan, and executing without hesitation. But real adult confidence is humbler than that. It’s saying: “I’ve thought this through, I’ve looked at the options, and based on what I know right now, this is my best guess at what to do.”

When you brush your teeth, you’re not running a chemical analysis of fluoride. You’re making an informed guess that this practice is worth continuing because generations of people (and mountains of research) suggest it helps. When you’re paying your bills, you’re not auditing the entire financial system. You’re agreeing that in exchange for electricity and internet, you’ll pay the agreed amount. Reasonable enough. And you’ll change providers if you think you’re being overcharged or When you’re in the waiting room, you’re not claiming to be the doctor. You’re saying, “I’ve decided expert input is better than guessing alone.” And when you’re having the hard conversation, you’re not guaranteeing it will go smoothly. You’re simply saying, “I believe honesty is better than silence.”

Every adult decision is really just that: a good guess, made in good faith.

Where Imposter Syndrome Sneaks In

So why do you still feel like a fraud? Because you forget to pause and make that mental agreement with yourself. Instead, you slip into automatic comparison:

• Other people must know more than me.

• I don’t really belong here.

• I’m going to get found out.

These thoughts thrive in the absence of reflection. They assume there’s some secret manual everyone else has read, and you’re the only one without a copy. But here’s the truth: nobody has the manual. Everyone is guessing. Some people are just better at remembering why their guess makes sense.

Imposter syndrome feeds on the myth of the all-knowing expert. The teacher who has every answer, the boss who never wavers, the parent who never doubts themselves. But in reality, even experts are guessing. Doctors read research, compare symptoms, and use their best judgment. Parents learn on the fly and course-correct constantly. Leaders try strategies, see what works, and adjust. The difference is that experts are practiced at thinking critically and articulating their reasoning. They can say, “Here’s why I believe this is the right call, even though I can’t guarantee the outcome.”

Brushing Teeth and Paying Bills: Why Ordinary Examples Matter

It might feel silly to bring brushing teeth or paying bills into a conversation about imposter syndrome. But the ordinariness is the point. If we can see that we’re not frauds in those everyday acts, maybe we can apply the same logic to the bigger, scarier ones. You don’t feel like an imposter brushing your teeth because you understand the logic: plaque is bad, clean teeth are good. Done. You don’t feel like an imposter paying bills (most of the time) because you know you’re exchanging money for services you value. Simple. Now stretch that same reasoning into your career, relationships, or creative pursuits. Why are you doing this thing? What’s the point? Does it line up with what you believe matters? If the answer is yes (even if you can’t control every outcome) you’re not faking it. You’re just living.

Hard Conversations as a Case Study

Let’s take one of the tougher examples: having a hard conversation. Maybe with your partner, your boss, or your parent. This is prime imposter syndrome territory. You think, “Who am I to bring this up? I’m not a communication expert. What if I say it wrong? What if they get angry?” But pause and ask: why are you doing it? Maybe because honesty matters more to you than peace-keeping. Or because you need to set boundaries. Or because the relationship matters enough to risk discomfort. Once you see that, the fraud feeling weakens. You don’t have to be the perfect communicator. You just have to be the adult who says, “This is important, and I believe trying is better than staying silent.”

The Critical Thinking Habit

If imposter syndrome is forgetting to think, then the antidote is building the habit of reflection. A few simple questions help:

1. Why am I doing this?

2. Do I agree it’s worth doing?

3. What do I reasonably expect from myself here?

Those three questions cut through the fog. They remind you that you’re thinking through things, leading your own path in life, and you’re perfectly capable of making these educated guesses for yourself.

Why We Resist Thinking

So if the cure is as simple as “think about why you’re doing the thing,” why don’t we? Sometimes it’s because thinking takes time, and it exposes uncertainty. It’s easier to stay in autopilot, or in comparison mode, than to stop and ask uncomfortable questions. It’s also much easier to stay in the child-mindset that there are people who know much, much more than you do. Sometimes, we still want to believe in magic, in simplistic good vs evil, and in a guiding light that’s bigger and better than ourselves. But part of truly maturing is becoming comfortable with nuance…and uncertainty.  

Life doesn’t come with guarantees. Every action (from brushing your teeth to launching a company) is a guess, informed by what you know and what you believe. That’s just the truth, like it or not. We don’t need to hide ourselves in the lie of thinking other people magically know more than we do, or that they have some element of certainty that eludes us. When we stop and think, we realize: confidence isn’t about knowing everything. It’s about owning your choices, however small or big, and trusting that you are perfectly capable of making a best guess.